The Talk
“Why are you leaving so early, Ma?”
“I get bored at home alone, when you’re at work and when Papa leaves it’ll be even lonelier.”
“So you’re not leaving because you’re angry with me?”
I wait with baited breath…
“I was angry… ”
She trails off…
‘was’… she used the past tense. I’m relaxing a little.
“You made such a big decision and didn’t tell us for two years.”
“I was scared”
“Why did you have to do this?”
“Do what?”
“Get into a relationship with a girl”
“I’ve always liked girls, Ma. I just didn’t realise it. Right from when I was in school. Remember S?”
My mother looks alarmed. I realise she thinks I had a relationship with S when I was all of 13. I hastily correct her and tell her that I just had a crush on S and then this one and then that other one.
“Why didn’t you tell me? I would’ve taken you to a counsellor.”
I resist the urge to be sarcastic.
I try to tell her that it’s not something that needs counselling.
She insists it’s abnormal and unnatural even though research states otherwise.
Then comes the most surreal part.
She says that the only reason that gay rights were being looked at in India was because “that community is making a noise” and because politicians are “turning bisexual to get political favours”.
I almost giggled at that conspiracy theory.
Here is my mother, my VERY educated and seemingly liberated mother, falling for the ‘gay agenda’ and ‘gay mafia’ type of lunatic stories.
“Mama, even if you think that’s true, don’t you SEE me? Don’t you KNOW me? I’m gay. I want those rights and I’m just an ordinary person. All I want is to be with The Girl because it makes me happy”
“at what cost? How can we tell people about this?”
“Don’t tell anyone. I haven’t asked you to.”
“it’s so obvious”
“Don’t you see how happy I am?”
“Even single people have happy lives”
I look at her incredulously.
“You would rather that I was alone than be with someone who loves me so much?”
“See that guy at the vineyard also asked you why you’re staying here and leaving us alone in India”
“You’re picking and choosing selectively to make your argument. If I was married to a man and living abroad you’d have NO problem.”
“Because that is normal”
This is wearing me out now.
“in my opinion this is normal too. Look at my life. Have I ever been this happy or settled in every way?”
“you always do what you want. You took that job in the airlines even though we asked you not to… Then…”
Uh oh! The book of past sins was being opened.
“Mama, look at my career today. I just switched jobs in the worst economy and got more than I was making earlier…”
“And that’s another thing. We can never win an argument with you.”
I almost said that that’s cos I was right and she wasn’t.
We left it at that.
I bought their tour tickets. I told her what attractions to visit and kissed her goodnight and went into my bedroom where TG was dying of curiosity.
What I observed was that even though she made those loony statements she didn’t seem to believe them. Our argument was not a heated one. It was almost as if we were debating whether vada paav was a better snack than paav bhaaji.
Her actions also don’t align with her words. She’s being very normal with The Girl. She’s in a good mood. My dad seems sulky and moody, instead.
You know what? I’m happy with the status quo. This is so much better than I anticipated.
And stop complaining about the TBC, people. It’s my style and I know you secretly love it.
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I can’t believe *i* am so relieved. Can’t even begin to imagine what you must be feeling. At least you don’t have to live a lie to those closest to you anymore.
Broom, so happy for you. Your parents are taking time to accept things, but you gotta agree this is nowhere close to your worst fears!!
This is good news. But then I didn’t think you would be able to come up with a cliff hanger if you were distraught so I was expecting good news
i do think it went VERY WELL. just a matter of time now before there is absolute acceptance. am very sure the grandchild is gonna do the trick
Hey you,
You must be so relieved!!! So glad for you
so cool. Am excited for you. I know it will all work out
no i dont like your TBC style, not a single bit
sooper!
wow! It definitely could have been far far worse! I guess both your parents have to just get a grip on the natural-unnatural part and mentally prime themselves…you must be soooo relieved!!
troom for the ko.
it could have been worse, it could have been better. but it’s out there now and everyone needs to deal in their own way
Hang in there
On holiday and reading on crummy phone. Eeshtyle na dikha! Congrats,
That’s actually much better than what could have happened if you’d lost your cool or felt guilty or some such thing. Your responses to her made it as easy on both of you. Good luck with the future, and yes the TBC is secretly loved.
Oh well, it could’ve been worse. They’ll come around. Btw, the Google ad on the side says “Dad’s rights”!
phew
Ridiculous as it sounds….this sounds like a happy ending to me! Your Mom (despite her stubborn refusal to accept) seems very sweet
Yayay!!
Aw hun, I feel for ya. Your right is always going to be somebody’s wrong. You probably are building a pretty high tolerance for getting frustrated with conversations that are going nowhere. At least there is nothing else to hide anymore. You and TG will be fine, life takes care of itself. Hope to see you soon on TLC on a wedding story
Yay! And PHEW.
(As for the TBC – don’t tell me our complaining doesn’t make you enjoy it all the more
)
ok it better than it could would have been
and no i dont like ur TBC
Phew. If this was the worst, its going to get much better!
Hi – long time silent reader, delurking just to suggest this- looks like it is your dad who has the bigger opposition rather than your mom, and your mom may just be the voice through which your dad is making his views known.
The only reason I make the above observation is I have seen this happen with my in-laws very often – on any issue, its my FIL who has the bigger problemrather than MIL, but FIL responds by saying that the MIL will not accept / has issues etc; and then when we are speaking to the MIL, her reasons for objections, disagreement, etc often seem forced, as though she wants to agree with us but has heard more forceful arguments from elsewhere (ie FIL).
Apologies, since i realise I may be completely wrong – you are the best judge of your parents, really.
Wow!! very controlled and an unusual response from an Indian mom..!
Broom, Jab pyaar kiya to darna kya!!
she wants you to be happy any which way- this is probably her last ditch attempt to make you “normal”- its just like hanging onto the edge of the precipice for dear life- she will soon have to let go and then she will make peace with it and be happy for you- thats what matters to them at the end of the day, no matter how much they deny it!!! lots of love to you and the Girl and hugs
So happy for you and TG! Under the circumstances, your conversation with your mom sounds positive. Give them time, it’s only the “what will we tell people” that’s holding them back. I’m sure the time they spend with you and TG will make acceptance a little easier. Good Luck!
@SM: TG and I suspect the same! It’s almost as if he’s sulking that my mother is not having the collapse he envisioned. He seems to be having a harder time dealing with this than he’s letting on.
@ everyone else: Thanks for your comments. Broom is out of the closet!
CONGRATS BROOM AND TG!!!!!
This is great news. I am so happy to hear that you took the plunge and things are going the right way. I am sure they will accept this and soon in true bollywood style you will all be having the naach gaana sequence
)
Take Care and Good Luck!!!
wow. no where close to as scary as i thought this post was going to be. also it’s awesome that your mum is comfortable with TG even now that she knows. it would have been awful if she had taken out her frustration/anger on TG.
Woo-hoo! Reason to bring out the champagne, if you ask me.
sooper! good luck with troom and all of the family stuff now.
P.S- I envy you for having watched Harry Potter. I’m stuck in a place where its released in Hindi. And yes I had a crushette on emma watson too. Shes around 19, so yes, no accusations of paedophilia.
Its always great if things work out better than expected or anticipated! I think both your mum and dad are cool! Big relief broom! Enjoy the rest of their stay! It can only get better from now on..luv..
Broom is out of the closet !!
Yes she is !!!
It somehow filled my eyes to read this..coz I know how it feels when you come out to your family. I’m very happy for both of you..now things will only get better Broom
There you go! Reality is almost always better than imagination. Sounds to me like they’re more afraid of you getting hurt all over again than anything else.
The conspiracy theory made me crack up.
I agree with Silvara and she puts it well – could’ve been better, could’ve been worse. On second thoughts, considering where your parents (or any of our parents) are coming from, it would be too much to expect more than this. Time will do the rest.